“Biblical Counsel Regarding Friendships”
(Sunday Evening July 12th, 2009)
Passage: Proverbs 18:24
O.S. I Feel That I am a Very Blessed Person.
-> Now, By That, I Don’t Mean That I am a Wealthy Person, Because I’m Not a Wealthy Person by American Standards (I am by World Standards; We All Are)
a. I Feel Blessed to Have a Wife
-> Sonja is Supportive and Helpful to Me
-> And Next to the Lord Jesus Christ, She is My Best Friend
b. I Feel Blessed to Have a Church
-> We Have a Brand New Church, and We Have a Lot of Obstacles to Overcome;But
Nevertheless, I Feel Blessed, Because I Have Friends in This Church
Q.n = How Could
I Not Call You Friends When You Have Been Very Supportive of Me and You Have Been
Willing to Get Involved in Missions With Me?
-> One of the Things I Told Sonja as We Began to Embark on This Project Was This;I Said, “Won’t It be Nice to go to Church With Our Friends”
c. I Feel Blessed to Have an Education
-> I Have Bachelor’s Degree From a Baptist University Here in Texas, and a Master’s Degree From a Southern Baptist Seminary
-> And I Can Tell You That It Would Have Been Much More Difficult for Me to Complete My Education if It Had Not Been for Some Financial Aid I Received, Just as All Ministerial Students Receive, From “The Cooperative Program”
-> You See, I Have This Large Circle of Christian Friends Called “Southern Baptists” , and Southern Baptists From All Across This Country Contribute to Something Called “The Cooperative Program” (Elaborate)
Pt= Many of the Blessings That Have Come to Me in My Life Have Come as a Result of My Friends, and I Would Suspect That is True About You as Well.
St= God’s Hymnbook; His Songs of Wisdom; The Psalms Begins With This Verse
Ps 1:1 “How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, nor stand in the path of sinners, nor sit in the seat of scoffers!”
-> The Psalmist Begins by Saying in Essence, “If You Want to be a Blessed Person, the Place to Start is With How You Go About Choosing Your Friends”
-> There are Over One Hundred Verses in the Word of God That Specifically Use the Word “Friend” “Friendly” or “Friendship”
-> Most of Them are in the Book of Proverbs, and They are Here for a Very Good Reason
-> Because Whether a Person Succeeds or Fails in Life Will be Related to Some Degree on Who He or She Chooses as Friends And I Will Even Take It a Step Farther and Say, Whether a Person Ultimately Ends Up in Heaven or Hell Could be Determined by the Influence of Those They Choose to be Their Friends
Matt 7:13-14 “13 Enter by the narrow gate; for the gate is wide, and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and many are those who enter by it. 14 "For the gate is small, and the way is narrow that leads to life, and few are hose who find it”
-> Don’t Make the Tragic Mistake of Running With That Popular Worldly Crowd
-> Because the Popular Worldly Crowd is Heading Straight Towards Hell
-> Instead, Find a Few Godly and Morally Upright Christian Friends and Run With Them, Because as the Song Says
“We’re Marching Upwards to Zion the Beautiful City of God”
T.S. Friendship is an Important Spiritual Issue
-> So, I Want Us to Draw Some Insights About Friendship From the Book of Proverbs This Evening, and I Believe These Insights Can be Divided Into Three Categories
I. How to Find a Friend
-> Good Friends Really are Priceless
Ecc 4:12 “And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three {strands} is not quickly torn apart”
-> We All Need Good Friends
-> So, How Do We Go About Finding Them
1) Acceptable Methods
-> Now, Finding a Friend is Really Not All That Difficult
Prov 18:24 “A man who has friends must himself be friendly,…” (NKJ)
-> All You Need to do to Find a Friend is to be a Friendly Person
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POEM “I Went Out to Find a Friend
But Could Not Find One There;
I Went Out to be a Friend
And Friends Were Everywhere”
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T.S. If You Want to Have Friends All You Have to do is be Friendly, But if That Answer is Too Basic for You Maybe It Will Help if I Describe Briefly How We See Friendships Being Developed Throughout the Bible
a. We Find “Commonality Friendships” in the Bible
-> The Most Famous of All Friendships in the Bible is the Friendship That Developed Between David and Jonathan
1 Sam 18:1 Says, “…the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as himself”
-> The Inner Spirit of Jonathan Was Bound Inextricably to the Inner Spirit of David, Because They Had Several Things in Common Including: Their Piety, Their Humility and Their Courage
b. We Find “Kindred Friendships” in the Bible
-> Ruth’s Commitment to Naomi Was So Strong That Many People Have Used Her Expression of Friendship in Their Wedding Ceremonies
c. We Find “Mentoring Friendships” in the Bible
-> The Prophets Elijah and Elisha Had a Beautiful “Mentoring Friendship” With Each Other
-> In 2 Kings Chapter 2, Elisha Repeatedly Said to Elijah “As the Lord lives and as you yourself live, I will not leave you”
-> And Ultimately, Elisha Ended Up With a Double Portion of Elijah’s Spirit, Because of Their Growing Friendship With One Another
d. We Find “Ministry Friendships” in the Bible
-> As We Work Faithfully for the Lord, Together, Side by Side, Meaningful Friendships Often Develop
-> There is no Better Way to Find the Right Kinds of Friends Than Being Involved in the Work of the Lord Through a Local Church
-> One of the Words for “Church” is the Word “Koinonia” Which Means “Fellowship,”
and That Means That God Has Designed His Church Among Other Things to be
a
Wonderful Place to Meet the Right Kinds of Friends
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Q.n= Where Else are You Going to Find People Who Really Love You? And are Willing to Encourage You? And Support You? And to Treat You Unselfishly?
Ans= There is No Other Place on This Earth That is Better for This Than the Church
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Ps 119:63 “I am a companion of all those who fear Thee, and of those who keep Thy precepts”
-> That is Why the Church is the Right Place to Find the Right Kinds of Friends
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2) Appropriate Choices
a. The Principle of Limitation
Prov 12:26 “The righteous should choose his friends carefully, for the way of the wicked leads them astray” (NKJ)
-> We Should Develop Friendships Slowly and Carefully Not Too Quickly
-> And We Should Limit the Number of Intimate Friends We Choose to Have
Prov 18:24 “A man of {many} friends {comes} to ruin,…”
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Ill: One Study on Friendship That I Read Several Years Ago Said That the Average Person Has a Capacity to Maintain…
…500 to 2500 Casual Acquaintances
…20 to 100 Closer Acquaintances
…30 Passive Friendships
…10 Active Friendships
…But Only From 1 to 6 Close Friendships With 4 Being the Average
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App: Jesus Only Had Three Intimate Friends
-> He Had 12 Disciples; These Were His Active Friends
-> He Had a Larger Number of Disciples; These Where His Passive Friendships
-> And He Was Even Been Called “A Friend of Sinners”
-> But These Were Not His Intimate Friends, He Only Had Three of Those: Peter, James and John
. Only Peter, James and John Were With Him During His Time of Greatest Ecstasy on the Mount of Transfiguration
. Only Peter, James and John Were With Him During His Time of Greatest
Stress in the Garden of Gethsemane
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b. The Principle of Reputation
Prov 13:20 “He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm”
Quip= That Verse Tells Us That We Will Never be Able to Soar With Eagles if You Fly Around With Turkeys All of the Time
-> Notice: You Don’t Have to do Anything Wrong to Suffer Harm
-> You Can Suffer Harm Simply by Being Identified With the Wrong Crowd
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Ill: Harold Morris Has Written a Book Entitled “Twice Pardoned”
-> Harold Morris Spent 20 Years in the Georgia State Penitentiary for a Crime That He Didn’t Commit
-> He Later Became a Christian and Eventually Received a Governors Pardon Which is Why His Book is Entitled “Twice Pardoned”
-> But He Got in Trouble Simply by Running Around With the Wrong Crowd
-> He Was Riding Around From One Nightclub to Another With Some Men He Barely Knew
-> One of Them Asked Him to Pull Into a Food Mart
-> Then, While Harold Morris Waited in the Car, the Two Men Robbed the Store and Shot and Killed the Owner
-> Then, They Jumped Into Harold Morris’ Car and Said, “DRIVE!”
-> Harold Had Never Been Convicted of Anything More Than a Traffic Violation,But the Other Two Men Plea Bargained by Conspiring Together to Pin Harold Morris With the Crime
-> And Ultimately, Harold Morris Spent 20 Years in a Georgia Penitentiary for a Crime He Did Not Commit
-> Simply Because He Chose to be “A Companion of Fools,” and as a Result, He Did Indeed “Suffer Harm”
c. The Principle of Morality
i. Whoever You Run Around With is Going to be a Reflection on You
Prov 27:19 “As in water face {reflects} face, so the heart of man {reflects} man” (TLB)
-> I’ve Often Heard the Old-Timers Say,
“You Can Learn a Lot More About a Person by Observing Who They Run With Than You Can by Observing Them”
-> And According to That Verse of Scripture I Just Read, They are Exactly Right
ii. Whoever You Run Around With is Going to Influence You
1 Cor 15:33 “Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company corrupts good morals’”
-> I’ve Heard Dr. Charles Swindoll Say,
“Have you noticed that when a man with white gloves plays in the mud, the white gloves always get muddy but the mud never gets glovy?”
-> Some Parents Need to Stop Being So Naïve
-> If Your Child is Starting to Dress Like a Social Deviant, and He is Listening to the Music of Social Deviants, and He is Hanging Out With Social Deviants, and He is Skipping School With Social Deviants, I Have Some Bad News for You; Your Child is a Social Deviant!
-> And the Sooner You Face Up to That Fact and Confront Him About It, the Better Off You’re Going to Be
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T.S. I. How to Find a Friend
II. How to Lose a Friend
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II. How to Lose a Friend
-> Some People Don’t Have a Lot of Trouble Making Friends, But They Seem to Have Some Trouble Keeping Friends
-> And the Book of Proverbs Describes Several Ways That People Can Neglect, Abuse and as a Result Lose Their Friends
1) The Problem of Pestering
Prov 25:17 “Let your foot rarely be in your neighbor's house, lest he become weary of you and hate you”
-> If You Want to Lose a Friend, You Just Smother Them With Your Presence
-> It Was Mark Twain Who Said, “Relatives are Like Fish; They Begin to Stink After Three Days”
-> You Need to Respect the Privacy of Your Friend
-> Your Friends Need to Have the Freedom to Have Other Friends
-> And They Also Need to Go to Bed at a Decent Hour
2) The Problem of Jesting
Eph 5:4 “and {there must be no} filthiness and silly talk, or coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks”
-> Now, Paul Isn’t Referring to Wholesome and Clean Jokes
-> The Bible Refers to That Kind of Humor as “Good Medicine”
-> He is Referring to the Kind of Jokes That Tear People Down Instead of Building Them Up
Prov 26:18-19 “18 Like a madman who throws Firebrands, arrows and death, 19 So is the man who deceives his neighbor, and says, ‘Was I not joking?’"
Pt = You Can Lose a Friendship by Carrying a Practical Joke Too Far
Ill: Because I’m a Preacher, I’ve Probably Attended or Conducted More Weddings Than Anyone Else in This Church This Evening, And I Have Heard About or Seen Some Pretty Cute Jokes
Ex. One of Sonja’s Brothers Hid in the Back Seat of the Car
-> I’ve Also Known of Cases Where Someone Carried a Joke Too Far
Ex. You Should Never Disrupt the Sacredness of a Wedding Ceremony or Sabotage Someone’s Honeymoon Suite or Something Like That, Because This is One of the Most Special Events in All of Their Life
-> We Need to be Careful Never to Carry a Practical Joke Too Far
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T.S. 1) The Problem of Pestering
2) The Problem of Jesting
3) The Problem of Gossiping
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3) The Problem of Gossiping
Prov 16:28 “An evil man sows strife; gossip separates the best of friends” (TLB)
-> A True Friend is Not Two-Faced
-> He Doesn’t Speak Well of You in Your Presence and Then Stab You in the Back When You’re Not Looking
Prov 20:19 “A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talks too much” (NIV)
-> If Somebody Trust You Enough to Share Some Intimate Information With You, You’re Not a Very Good Friend if You Can’t Keep Your Mouth Shut
App: Those are the Kinds of Things That Can Cause You to Lose a Friend
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T.S. I. How to Find a Friend
II. How to Lose a Friend
III. How to Keep a Friend
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III. How to Keep a Friend
-> There are Several Ways the Book of Proverbs Says That You Can Prove to Someone That You are a True Friend
1) The Proof of Kindness
Prov 22:11 “He who loves purity of heart {and} whose speech is gracious, the king is his friend”
-> This Could be Described as “Tactful Speech”
-> Here is Someone Who Has Learned the Art of Speaking Kind, Timely, Appropriate and Gracious Words
-> I Believe You Would Agree With Me When I Say “May His Tribe Increase”
2) The Proof of Honesty
Prov 28:23 “He who rebukes a man will afterward find {more} favor than he who flatters with the tongue”
Prov 27:6 “Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy”
-> If You Have a Friend That Loves You Enough That They Have the Courage to Confront You About the Blind Spots in Your Life, You are a Blessed Person
-> And You Would be Wise to Protect That Friendship
Prov 27:6 in the NIV Translation Reads This Way
“Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses” (NIV)
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Ill: There is No Better Illustration of This Than Judas
-> Jesus Referred to Him as a Friend in Matthew 26:50, and the Greek Lit. Says That He Kissed Jesus Repeatedly
-> Judas “Multiplied Kisses,” But They Were Kisses of Betrayal
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3) The Proof of Loyalty
Prov 17:17 “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity”
-> If You Want to Find Out Who Your Real Friends are Then Just Make a Mistake, a Big Mistake, and See Who Stands by You
-> An English Publication a Few Years Ago Offered a Prize for the Best Definition of Friendship; The Definition That Won Said This,- “A Friend is Someone Who Comes in When the World Goes Out”
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Ill: When King Saul Made Plans to Involve His Entire Army in His Plan to Kill David Everyone Present in the Meeting Nodded in Agreement Except for David’s Friend and King Saul’s Son Jonathan
-> Jonathan Was Loyal and He Took Up for David His Friend, and It Almost Cost Him His Life
1 Sam 20:32-33 “ But Jonathan answered Saul his father and said to him, ‘Why should he be put to death? What has he done?’ Then Saul hurled his spear at him to strike him down; so Jonathan knew that his father had decided to put David to death”
Q.n= Have You Ever Had Someone Take Up for You Like That?
Ans= I Have, and I’ll Never Forget It
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Prov 27:10 “Do not forsake your own friend or your father's friend, and do not go to your brother's house in the day of your calamity; better is a neighbor who is near than a brother far away”
-> What That Verse Means is Simply This
-> If You’ll be Loyal to Your Friends Even in Their Times of Adversity, You Will Never be Without a Friend in Your Time of Need
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Ill: Chuck Colson Was Known as President Nixon’s Hatchet Man Before the Watergate Conspiracy, & He Spent Some Time in Prison Because of His Part in the Cover-Up
-> Just After His Release From Prison, He Was Invited to Speak at a University
-> There Was Still a Lot of Hostility in the Air About the Watergate Conspiracy
-> And Q.ns Were Being Thrown at Him Rapid Fire and Students Were Growing Increasingly More Hostile
-> One Student Stood Up and Referred to a Vicious Criticism That Henry Kissenger Had Leveled at Former President Nixon
“Mr Colson,” He Said With Hostility in His Voice, “Do You Agree With Henry Kissinger’s Criticism?”
-> Colson Said That He Scanned the Room and Could Tell Every Ear Was Listening to Hear What He Would Say
-> And Here is How He Replied,
“WE ALL KNOW MR. NIXON’S NEGATIVE QUALITIES. HE HAS BEEN DISSECTED IN THE PRESS LIKE NO ONE IN HISTORY. I COULD TELL YOU HIS GOOD POINTS, BUT I DON’T BELIEVE I COULD PERSUADE YOU TO ACCEPT THEM. BUT WHAT IT COMES DOWN TO IS, NO, I DON’T GO ALONG WITH HENRY KISSINGER’S COMMENTS. MR. NIXON IS MY FRIEND, AND I DON’T TURN MY BACK ON MY FRIENDS”
-> Colson Said for a Moment He Thought the Roof Would Fall in, and in a Way It Did, But Not as He Expected.
-> There Was a Moment of Silence, Followed by Thunderous Applause, and a Standing Ovation
App: Even Hostile Students Could Appreciate the Fact That Chuck Colson Was Loyal to His Friend
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T.S. 1) The Proof of Kindness
2) The Proof of Honesty
3) The Proof of Loyalty
4) The Proof of Death
4) The Proof of Death
a. On One Occasion, David Just Made an Inadvertent Comment About How Much He Would Love to Have a Drink of Water From the Cool Well of Bethlehem
-> Three of His Soldiers Heard Him Say That, and They Risked Their Lives by Breaking Through Enemy Lines and Brought Him Back a Cup of Water From the Well of Bethlehem
b. There Were Some Who Risked Their Lives for the Apostle Paul
-> Priscilla and Aquilla Risked Their Lives for Paul
Rom 16:3-4 “3 Greet Prisca and Aquila, my fellow workers in Christ Jesus, 4 who for my life risked their own necks, …”
-> Another Was Epaphroditus Who is Mentioned in Phil 2:30
c. The Greatest Example of All is the Lord Jesus Christ
John 15:13 “Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends”
-> Of Course, Jesus Did That for You and for Me Which is Proof of the Fact That You Will Never Find a Better Friend
Prov 18:24 “A man of {many} friends {comes} to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother”
-> That Friend is Jesus
Ps 27:10 “When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up”
2 Tim 4:16-17 “At my first defense no one supported me, but all deserted me; may it not be counted against them. 17But the Lord stood with me, and strengthened me,...”
Heb 13:5 “I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you”
-> That Verse is a Synergistic Compound Negative; Each Negative Multiplies the Force
of the Previous Negative (Lit. I Will Never, No Not Ever, Under Any Circumstances
Leave You or Forsake You); It is a Forever Never With No Exceptions Ever